Today’s thoughts from the saddle.
New environments create anxiety in my horse, he can be insecure without familiar herd-buddies or known surroundings. This is natural in a prey animal … and it’s natural in we humans too.
“I don’t know anything. I don’t know how to do anything.” My mind and body scream these things at me every time I get on my horse, especially when in a new space, or attempting something with anyone at all observing.
The mind-games of anxiety and insecurity can be incapacitating. But somehow, we must make a way through it, or at least around it, in order to live and do the things we love. Take full intentional breaths, focus on the small things we can affect. Is my spine neutral, are my sits bones forward, down or back? Are the insides of my thighs in full contact with the saddle (or the horse, if bareback), are the back of my legs loosely-long? Where is my focus? Am I looking where I want to go/be?
Life isn’t a sequence of easy coasts from familiar to more familiar. For life to be full and rich there will have to be periods of unsettling change, shaking us from our routines and making us be fully alive and aware in those moments. The realization that in that moment we could lose. We could be hurt.
But what could we gain?
Where could our lives go from this time of crisis, if we find our way through it, and not let it stop us from following through? Yes, we will fail to meet our goals/objectives. Yes, if we have any self-pride at all, we will be embarrassed.
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
So, this last ride with my horse, no we did not go for a full gallop with my arms stretched out wide, and no we did not jump a 3-meter oxer. But we did make it all the way around the new place full of new and unknown scary things and some questionable footing without losing our minds (or my seat in the saddle). And when we got back to the yard we went into the indoor arena and had a very nice, responsive freestyle session (no reins) over cavaletti and around the pre-set jumps before backing out the partially closed arena door then freestyled across the yard back up to the barn. Somewhere in that ride my horse and I remembered we were partners, and if I held up my end of being a good leader (honest, giving, supportive…) my horse was glad to be a part of the partnership.
Yes, have a plan for your life, and your ride for the day. But know that the biggest victories of your life are the little ones. The decision to step up into the saddle even when your heart is practically beating out of your chest. Knowing that the victory was first in placing the toe of your boot into the stirrup…the second victory was purposely putting your weight into it…the third victory was intentionally swinging yourself over and into that seat… and they continued every moment after that.
Every day is an opportunity for challenges. Every day is an opportunity for failure and pain. But if we don’t put ourselves in those positions where we have something to risk, then where is the value, where is the courage, of living a full life?
Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” – Brene Brown